Waves Of Loneliness

So to be completely honest here, this has probably been the loneliest phase of my life that I have ever been in. I keep telling people this is the most single I have ever been lol and I don’t have many friends that I talk to on a regular or consistent basis. The feeling of loneliness comes and goes for me and can vary day to day and even moment to moment, but today is one of those days where I feel it a little deeper.

Usually, I’ll fight the feeling off, start doing an activity to distract myself, tell myself “in due season the right people will come into your life” just so I don’t have to feel it, but today I decided to allow myself to feel it. To lean into the feelings and let whatever emotion that comes, come. Permitting myself to let the fact that I’m lonely suck and be lame for a second because sometimes it truly does just suck. A lot of times I find there can be so much freedom and clarity in simply letting myself feel. Letting myself be human for a second instead of doing what I think is the “right” thing to do or the right way to feel.

Feeling lonely and like you don’t have that person or people to talk to consistently and tell everything to, especially when it seems like everyone else in the world has it, can feel pretty isolating. I mean, I get the connection I long for in doses from family and friends I haven’t seen in a while, but sometimes I just long to have it all the time and not just every once in a while.

It’s weird because I keep going in and out of this phase/feeling. I have times where I’m truly enjoying this season of my life. Enjoying all of the extra time I have for myself to practice self-care, to work on my blog, to sit in stillness, to pick up new hobbies and find new recipes to try. The list goes on lol. I can see all of the good in it and find gratitude in the fact that I do at least have people even if it isn’t all the time. But then in other moments, the loneliness feels much heavier and I just have that longing for more connection and companionship. And you know what, I am learning that that is okay too. It is okay to have both moments in the same season.

Matter of fact, it may be a good thing. There is a balance. The times when I am feeling good allow me to recognize that I can still have joy and be content and fulfilled with the life I am currently living with the people whom I do have and the times I do experience connection. The times when I don’t feel so good allow me to go to God and pray for the kinds of connections and relationships I want in my life as well as take action in creating opportunities to meet more people and create more connections. And these moments allow me to write, be open and express how I am feeling to people who may be in a similar season as me and are looking for someone who feels the same way they are feeling. I’m truly learning to see the good on both sides.

What season of life do you feel you are currently in? Whether it’s joy-filled and blissful, somber and challenging, or somewhere in between, I challenge you to take a moment to check in with yourself. Have an honest and real moment and truly ask yourself how you really feel and allow whatever emotion to surface itself. Acknowledgment of inner feelings without judgement helps you to develop self-compassion and awareness. Self-compassion and awareness can lead to freedom and clarity. Sometimes having an honest and transparent moment is all you need to get yourself out of a funk and gain perspective. Try it out (: